It was so hard to stay composed enough to drive. The kids were quietly sobbing in the back. I felt like the worst mom ever. At the vet's office, they waited in the waiting area while I talked to the doctor. I kept peeking out at them and my heart broke more every time.
The doctor was so very kind in giving me options and explaining the possible costs. I'll just be blunt and say that I am not a person who will go to any lengths (financial or otherwise) to keep an animal alive. I never want any creature to suffer and do not consider any life disposable (okay, okay, maybe big spiders who find their way inside) but that's just the way I am.
At first, I told the doctor that I wanted to have Kerry put to sleep. He looked so unlike himself and I was a sniffling mess. All I could think of is how pitiful he looked. However, when the doctor left the room, I had a moment of clarity and realized that I really wanted was for the pain to stop...for the cat, for the kids and, yes, for me. It occurred to me that the pain would stop for Kerry but would be with the rest of us for a long, long time so I wasn't really sparing anyone anything. After the vet came back in and I asked what we could do to give him some time (without pain) and what it would cost, I changed my mind.
So Kerry got a nice dose of pain medication, steroids and antibiotics and we left. I knew I had made the right decision when, just a couple miles down the road, the kids were humming and talking again. We had hope which, at that moment, was more than enough...
As of today, he's a little better. He doesn't have any broken bones, his lungs are fine, etc. but he's not eating or drinking on his own. We have decided to let him stay until Friday to see if his lethargy is due to just being really, really sore.